89: No, It’s Not Okay to Comment on My Weight (+ How to Respond When It Happens)

Knowing what to say about someone’s weight gain or loss is simple if you follow one golden rule of modern communication: Never comment on another person’s weight. Unfortunately, not everyone gets the memo, and many of my patients and coaching clients find themselves on the receiving end of weight-related comments.

Obesity is a chronic condition that’s visible to everyone, meaning those who live with it are likely familiar with one-liners like, “Wow! I can’t believe how much weight you’ve lost; you look great!” or “Are you really going to eat that?” These comments—both positive and negative—can leave us feeling uneasy and unworthy.

In this blog, we explore the uncomfortable reality of unsolicited remarks about weight and their impact on our self-worth. Read on as we explore how to challenge societal norms that prioritize body size over individual worth and how we can reclaim our power by advocating for ourselves and choosing how we respond to body talk.

The Problem with Commenting on Weight

In today’s society, we seem to have normalized commenting on people’s weight. I firmly believe that it’s never appropriate to comment on another person’s body, yet many continue to do so without realizing the harm it can cause. 

While some may argue that they want to celebrate a friend’s weight loss or hard work, it’s important to consider the other side of this conversation. Many people are silently suffering from the pressure that comes with these comments. Our weight is not static; it fluctuates throughout our lives due to various factors, including pregnancy, menopause, health issues, or personal challenges. If we tie a person's value solely to their weight, we risk reinforcing harmful beliefs that can lead to feelings of inadequacy.

For those living with obesity—a chronic condition visible to everyone—the experience of weight-related comments can be particularly painful. Unsolicited remarks, such as “You’ve really slimmed down. What’s your secret?” or “Have you thought about joining a gym?” can carry a heavy emotional weight. These seemingly innocent comments can evoke feelings of shame and unworthiness.

Dr. Dianna Pallin's concept of the “self-love curve” offers a valuable perspective on this issue. She explains that the lowest weight a person achieves may not be sustainable over time due to metabolic adaptation. It's common for people to regain weight after a weight loss journey, which may actually lead them to a healthier, more maintainable weight. However, if society only celebrates lower weights, we overlook the reality that many people are constantly navigating their own unique journeys.

Ultimately, if we only celebrate thin privilege and equate worth with a lower body size, we detract from what truly matters in life. Weight will always fluctuate, and to value someone solely based on their size undermines their true value as a person. Instead, we should focus on fostering a culture that appreciates individuals for who they are, not just for their weight.

Shifting the Conversation Away from Weight

When it comes to comments about weight, it’s clear that people have different experiences and expectations. Some folks enjoy the attention and are eager to share their weight loss journey, welcoming all the questions about their progress. They want to talk about what they’re doing, how they’re feeling, and everything that goes with it. But for others, the constant focus on weight can feel suffocating and disheartening.

I recently came across the story of a woman who lost a significant amount of weight after having bariatric surgery. No matter where she goes or who she meets, the conversation inevitably turns to her weight. It’s always about the numbers, not about her passions, dreams, or life outside of her weight loss journey. This really highlights a sad reality: so many interactions revolve around our bodies rather than who we truly are.

It’s essential to recognize the intentions behind these comments. Many people genuinely think they’re offering a compliment or support, not realizing how damaging their words can be. I believe that everyone comes from a good place most of the time; they simply don’t understand the impact of their comments.

So, what can you do when someone makes a weight-related comment? You have a few options:

1. Say Nothing: Sometimes, the best response is to simply not engage. Silence can speak volumes.
2. Acknowledge It: A simple “thank you” can suffice if you feel comfortable doing so.
3. Educate: If you’re up for it, you can use the moment to educate the person on why these comments can be problematic. You might say something like, “I appreciate your kind words, but commenting on weight can be really sensitive. It often ties into deeper issues around self-worth.”

Consider what feels right for you in the moment. Reflect on whether you want to educate or disengage. Sometimes, people might not realize that they’re perpetuating harmful societal norms, and your perspective could help change that.

It's also important to remember that you’re not obligated to explain yourself to anyone. When someone makes a comment about your weight, think about whether they deserve a response. Do you want to help them understand, or would you prefer to keep your energy focused elsewhere?

By deciding how to respond, you teach people how to engage with you. Imagine a world where comments about weight don’t dominate conversations. If we collectively shifted our focus away from weight, future generations might grow up in an environment that values people for who they are, not just their appearance.

Embracing Conversations Beyond Weight

I follow Katie Sturino on Instagram, who recently shared some fantastic ideas on how to engage positively without bringing weight into the conversation. Instead of commenting on someone's weight, try saying things like, “I love that dress on you!” or “You look radiant today!” These compliments not only make the other person feel good, but they also steer the conversation toward aspects that genuinely uplift and affirm people beyond their physical appearance.

In this journey of rethinking our dialogue, we also need to acknowledge the deeper societal issues at play. Diet culture has long dictated how we view ourselves and others, often tying our worth to our size. However, liberation starts within. We have to shift our mindset to recognize that our happiness and self-worth are not dependent on a number on a scale.

Reclaiming Your Power

I want to leave you with an important question: What if we stopped measuring success by weight, both for ourselves and others? This shift can help redefine our self-worth and create a healthier dialogue around body image. When faced with weight comments, it can be helpful to consider if it’s worth the energy to explain your perspective—often, I find a no-reaction approach feels much more empowering.

Setting boundaries with those close to you can also make a difference. I’ve found that telling my family that weight discussions are off-limits allows me to take control of my narrative.

This is significant work that might benefit from support, and seeking help can be a valuable step. Ultimately, reclaiming your power and prioritizing your well-being is crucial. Remember, your worth isn’t defined by others’ comments, and embracing this truth is an important step toward liberation.