75: Why You Binge and How to Stop with Jane Pilger
Jul 15, 2024The most common type of eating disorder in the United States, binge eating disorder (BED) often triggers intense feelings of shame and thrives on secrecy. Jane Pilger understands firsthand the emotional and physical turmoil caused by BED—her first binge left her feeling broken and ashamed, marking the beginning of a cycle of overeating and restriction that lasted for over 25 years.
No matter how long you’ve struggled, you can learn the strategies, tools, and mindset you need to create peace and freedom with food. Drawing from her own recovery and extensive coaching experience, Jane shares the reasons why people binge eat, practical techniques to manage urges, and key strategies to promote the self-awareness and compassion that will help you heal your relationship with food.
Am I Binge Eating or Overeating?
Overeating and binge eating are often confused, but they're distinct behaviors. Binge eating disorder (BED) involves consuming large amounts of food rapidly and in secret, often with odd food combinations, followed by intense shame and a sense of being unable to stop.
In contrast, overeating might just leave you feeling uncomfortably full. Pay attention to the energy behind your eating: is it frenzied, compulsive, and out of control? Or are you simply enjoying the taste and not wanting to stop? For more insights on how to tell the difference between these behaviors, listen to Jane’s podcast episode on the difference between binge eating and overeating.
Understanding Why You Binge
If you're struggling with binge eating, understanding why it happens can be the first step towards healing. Jane Pilger breaks down the eight primary reasons behind binge eating, each shedding light on different aspects of this complex behavior:
- Shame and Judgment: Feeling ashamed or judged about your eating habits can perpetuate the cycle of binge eating. It's like having a weight on the hood of your car that prevents you from examining what's really going on under the surface.
- Restriction: Whether it's physical (not eating enough) or mental (dieting thoughts), restriction can lead to binging as your body and mind react to perceived deprivation.
- Dysregulated Nervous System: Using food to regulate emotions when your nervous system is out of balance can result in binge eating as a way to cope with intense feelings.
- Disconnection from Your Body: Diets and societal pressures often teach us to disconnect from our body's natural signals, making it harder to recognize when we're truly hungry or full.
- Coping Mechanism: Binge eating can become a way to cope with overwhelming emotions, especially when we lack other effective coping strategies.
- Attempt to Control: Trying to control our bodies, weight, or self-image through food can lead to binging as a means of exerting control.
- Habit: Over time, repeated binge episodes can become ingrained habits, making it challenging to break the cycle without addressing underlying reasons.
- Negative Self-Talk: Harsh self-criticism after a binge can perpetuate feelings of shame and lead to further episodes as a way to cope with these negative emotions.
Understanding these reasons can help you identify patterns in your own behavior and start to explore healthier ways of relating to food and yourself.
The Goal is Not Zero Binges
In addressing binge eating disorder (BED), Jane stresses a shift away from striving for zero binging episodes. Instead, she emphasizes cultivating self-compassion and understanding the deeper reasons behind the behavior. Jane explains that binge eating tends to naturally decrease as you start to focus more on:
Understanding the Signals: Viewing binging episodes as signals rather than failures helps in identifying underlying issues that need attention. This perspective shift encourages exploration and learning without self-judgment.
Supporting Yourself: Rather than harsh criticism, Jane advocates for a compassionate approach towards yourself during and after binging episodes. This involves nurturing self-awareness and resilience through curiosity and gentle introspection.
Promoting Awareness: Developing awareness of emotional triggers, rigid thinking patterns, and self-talk plays a crucial role in managing binge eating. It empowers you to make informed choices and develop healthier coping strategies over time.
Shifting Perspective: By separating the behavior from personal identity, you can reduce shame and embrace a mindset of growth and healing. This shift fosters a supportive inner dialogue that promotes long-term positive change.
Questions to Ask Yourself Before, During, and After a Binge
Before you find yourself in the midst of a binge, there's often a moment of awareness and a sense that urges are mounting. This is the perfect time to ask yourself:
- What do I think this food will do for me? Visualize the urge to binge and reflect on what you believe consuming that food will achieve. Is it comfort, escape, or distraction?
- Am I using food to cope with emotions or stress? Consider if the urge to binge is linked to emotional triggers. Are you seeking solace or relief through food?
In the midst of a binge, it can feel like everything is happening at once. Taking a moment to pause and reflect can provide clarity amidst the chaos. Ask yourself:
- What am I afraid will happen if I don't eat right now? Explore the underlying fears driving the urge to continue eating. Is it fear of discomfort, emotions, or facing something difficult?
- How am I feeling physically and emotionally? Check in with yourself to understand how the binge is affecting both your body and your emotions in real-time.
After the binge, it's crucial to reflect on the experience with kindness and curiosity, rather than judgment. Ask yourself:
- What did I really need in that moment? Reflect on the deeper needs that drove the binge urge. Was it comfort, connection, or a break from stress?
- How can I support myself differently next time? Consider what strategies or self-care practices could help you respond differently to similar urges in the future.
These questions serve as useful tools to deepen your self-awareness and understanding of binge eating triggers and patterns. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re unable to engage with these questions during a binge episode, especially when emotions are heightened. By practicing these reflections outside of binge moments, you can improve your ability to use them effectively when urges arise. To see more examples of questions, take a look at Jane’s resource: Overcome Binge Eating with Powerful Questions.
Strategies to Control the Urge to Binge Eat
To help you better navigate binge urges, Jane suggests two practical strategies:
- Pause with Permission
The Power of the Pause encourages a momentary pause by physically grounding yourself—placing a hand over your heart or simply taking a deep breath. It's about giving yourself permission to pause without judgment or pressure to immediately resist the urge. During this reflective time, step away mentally from food-related thoughts and engage in calming activities or distractions. This interruption breaks the cycle of automatic binge patterns, allowing space for clearer thinking and emotional regulation in that moment.
- Visualization
Visualization is another powerful tool in managing binge urges. It involves mentally rehearsing scenarios where you typically experience cravings or impulsivity. Picture yourself encountering those urges and consciously choosing a different response. Visualize responding calmly and mindfully, feeling the relief and satisfaction of making a mindful choice. This technique leverages the brain's ability to reinforce neural pathways associated with self-control and emotional regulation through repeated imaginary practice.
Finding Connection Again
Binge eating often involves disconnecting—from food, from our body's signals, and even from ourselves right after a binge. But the core of it all is disconnection. When we binge, we're often trying to disconnect from something uncomfortable within us or our surroundings. That means the solution needs to focus on building connections. While it sounds straightforward, it's not easy. It's a skill we need to practice over time.
By connecting with our emotions, our bodies, and the people around us, we can reduce the urge to binge. This means creating a feeling of safety within ourselves and addressing the things that make us feel threatened or uneasy. Ultimately, by fostering connections in different parts of our lives, we can lessen the need to binge and develop a healthier relationship with ourselves and our behaviors.
More About Jane
Jane Pilger is a master-certified binge-eating coach dedicated to helping women break free from the cycle of binge eating and feeling out of control around food. You can check out her resources here:
